Teen steps out of the silence with a need to help - Bridgewater (NJ) Courier News

Bridgewater girl creates Web site for those with mental-health struggles.

By KARA L. RICHARDSON
Staff Writer

BRIDGEWATER -- For 16-year-old Caitlin Carey, obsessive-compulsive disorder had been a silent struggle.

She washed her hands until her fingers were raw, repeated endless prayers in her head and was paralyzed with fear about mistakes on tests.

Carey, who will be a junior at Bridgewater-Raritan High School this fall, sought help last year through medication and therapy. But she still felt very alone, in the isolation of mental illness.

"I felt like I was the only girl in the world who experienced these horrible emotions and isolation. No one should have to feel the way I did," Carey said.

She tried to find support groups, but they were often for adults or very young children. There was a group for teens, but it was in Jersey City. That wasn't a possibility because Carey is just now learning to drive.

Caitlin went online but still couldn't find a forum that felt right, so she decided to start her own Web site, http://stepoutofthesilence.org, and a nonprofit organization.

"It's no secret that thousands of teens today suffer in silence, not knowing where they can voice their concerns and experiences with mental illness," Carey said.

The Web site will be officially launched Sept. 9 to coincide with National Suicide Prevention Week. It is a place where young people may express their emotions through artwork, prose, poetry, photography and graphic art.

Carey designed the Web site to be a safe venue for young people with mental-health issues to express themselves. It includes entries such as a "Sometimes Life's Just Socks" photo, "My Experience of Psychosis and Schizophrenia" blog entry and an "Ask an Expert" column.

She also will add community-building and empowerment elements to the Web site and is looking for sponsors for writing and art contests and other events.

Jeff Bell, author of "Rewind, Replay, Repeat: A Memoir of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder" and a mental-health advocate, endorsed Carey's project in a written statement.

"Her courageous efforts will no doubt help countless teens and young adults navigate the many challenges of living with mental illness," Bell said.

Carey's parents, Tom and Tina Carey, first noticed their daughter's obsessive-compulsive behavior when she was about 6. After a series of strep throat infections, she became germ-phobic and started washing her hands repeatedly.

When she was in Catholic school, from 7 to 12 years old, her obsessive-compulsive disorder manifested itself in prayers. It would begin with her morning prayer. But she worried her prayer wasn't good enough.

So she'd do it again and again, repeating Hail Marys as many as 200 times silently to herself throughout the day. The cycle would again begin during her evening prayers, which she would start at bedtime and continue for hours into the night.

Carey, who has always been an A-student, asked her parents to attend Bridgewater-Raritan Regional High School because she wanted the academic challenge. While she's done well and is enrolled in five Advanced Placement courses this year, Carey had become obsessive about schoolwork. She'd review her assignments into the night. When she made a mistake or two on tests, she would become paralyzed with anxiety, sometimes so much so that she would stay home from school.

Now that she's sought medical help for her obsessive-compulsive disorder, she's much more relaxed about starting the school year. Anxiety and obsessions still pop into her head, but it's a lot easier for her to quell them.

And even though Carey is at an age when pimples and popularity could be enough to send someone into a self-esteem spin cycle, she's committed to talk about her mental-health issues and provide a resource to others to fight their stigma.

It might come as a shock to people at school who knew her but didn't know she had obsessive-compulsive disorder.

"If they have a problem with it, that's their problem," Carey said.

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Kara L. Richardson can be reached at (908) 707-3186 or krichard@c-n.com